Elizabeth, DRC "Sometimes I wake up and lose hope, as I have dreamt of dying"

IRIN conducted a series of interviews with women in the eastern Democratic Republic of Congo late last year, as part of research into gender-based violence. This is the testimony of Elizabeth, 36, who survived a brutal rape, and was helped to heal through counselling provided by DOCS (Doctors On Call Services) in the town of Goma.

"I was born in Masisi [in North Kivu province]. I have three sisters; they are all widows, as their husbands were killed in the war. My mother and father were also killed in the war - I was seriously traumatised when they were killed. They had run into the bush to escape the fighting and were killed by soldiers in the bush. I was now alone and I decided to get married ...

"One morning in November 2004 I was walking to the fields to look for food. I had gone with two of my children; my daughter was four years old and my son was just a baby - I carried him on my back. My daughter and I were carrying baskets, we were going to look for bananas, pineapples and plantains in our garden, about 15 km away.

"We were walking along the path and the soldiers came in two groups from behind and in front. They pushed us into the field - there were six men. They tied my and my daughter's arms behind our backs and then started to beat us with guns on our backs. They also beat my baby on my back with their guns and kicked him with their feet. As they were beating me, I fell back on the ground onto my baby. They took off my skirt and started raping me. My baby was on my back all the time. It was impossible to do anything - we couldn't make any noise.

"I was raped by three men, and my daughter was raped by the other three at the same time, next to me. While one raped us, the other two would point their guns at us, holding us down with their feet. When one was finished the next would start. I was feeling like someone who has no wisdom, like someone who was totally useless, as if I had no place on earth. There was no way to shout - they would have killed us.

"When they had finished, they took my daughter with them and I have not seen her since. I had such bad pain in my stomach, vagina and back. They left, thinking I was dead. I could only crawl - I crawled for three days in the bush. They had taken everything I had; I was naked. I put leaves on my body and carried my baby. He was really sick and he had been beaten badly, and when I fell to the ground I had landed on him. After one week he died.

"Some people passed me and I sent them to ask my sister to help me. She took me back to Masisi and brought me to the counsellors [connected with DOCS], who helped me.

"On the same day I was raped, the military had attacked Masisi and my house was looted. My husband was already married again - he was living in Mweso at the time, with his new wife. We were friends, but after this he dismissed me.

"I was taken to the hospital a week after the attack. I was unable to walk, they told me my stomach was damaged and they gave me tablets and internal treatment. As my case was so terrible, I was sent home. I am waiting until I am strong enough to travel to DOCS - they wouldn't let me go before, as my condition was so bad they thought I might die on the way. My condition is stronger now, but my back is still so bad.

"I used to go to our garden every day, but because of the shock to my back from when the military beat and raped me, I can't. I don't have the strength. I also fear too much to go ... I sometimes have nightmares and can't sleep. Sometimes I wake up and lose hope, as I have dreamt of dying.

"There has been cooperation among the people in my community, and my faith in God has helped me. DOCS came to counsel us and they strengthened us by telling us to take heart. They gave us hope and encouraged us to continue living; they went from door to door and continued to do this."