Ruth Wangechi:"Flashbacks of his philandering after the birth of our first child rang alarm bells"

Ruth Wangechi, 32, married soon after dropping out of school. Although her husband had contracted HIV, he and his family kept the information under wraps. When she became aware of her HIV-positive status, she decided to openly speak about it and shared her experiences with IRIN/PlusNews.

"For several years my husband and in-laws kept me in total darkness about his HIV status. He was in and out of hospital, complaining of this and that. Whenever I asked he would dismiss it as malaria, stomach-ache and other treatable illnesses.

"Three years ago he fell seriously sick. His parents promptly took him to a private hospital. This they had always done, never asking me along. I never took offence; after all, we are a humble couple, while my in-laws are wealthy and have a car, and it was a relief their ferrying him to the far-off hospital.

"He was admitted for a week, but simply told me parasites in his body had caused low blood level, necessitating urgent transfusion. Today, I guess his disease was advanced.

"Reality hit me when upon discharge his mother took over my responsibilities. She cooked special foods like enriched porridge, milk and assorted vegetables for him. I became aware that she always brought some tablets from her house and strictly supervised him taking them every morning and at night. It would turn out that these were ARVs.

"I was jolted into action by a radio programme on HIV/AIDS. Besides, his family always talked behind my back. I recalled meeting a visibly shocked nurse who had suggested that I go for a blood test like he had done when she realised I was the patient's wife.

"Flashbacks of his philandering after the birth of our first child rang alarm bells. He would leave home to return late at night, and word spread that he 'visited' women. He had denied it all, saying he was out with friends. Now, I became alive to the fact that some of the women he 'saw' had become 'very sick' and had even left the village secretly.

"I gathered courage and sought an HIV test that unexpectedly returned positive.

"The hospital referred me to a support group, and by coincidence he was a member. I decided not to tell him about it until the next meeting, so it was a complete shock for him when we met face to face at the group therapy session. His secret was out. We never talked about it that evening back at home.

"Later on, we faced up to the reality. My immediate concern upon knowing my status was our children. What would happen to them now? We decided to live positively and give our best for their good.

"I feel bad that the family kept silence about the HIV matter. It is the same with a local government hospital - our son [aged 2 years then] was admitted when he suffered a bout of illnesses six years ago, but they only told me he had a 'blood-related illness' that required his being put on life-long drugs that would cost Ksh10,000 (US$143) a month.

"Misfortunes never come singly. In early July, our other son [now 15] fell seriously sick. He had pneumonia, fever, his body shook uncontrollably, and he muttered unintelligent words and suffered bouts of unconscious fits.

"Now I know. I feel they [hospital] never wanted to confront me with the bitter truth that my younger son had HIV; HIV was then spoken of in hushed tones. It was only after listening to radio again and having known my status that I reasoned his admission to hospital at the time could have had its roots in the virus.

"You see, I am now more conscious of HIV/AIDS, with more information. In fact, I personally requested medical tests for both boys at different times, the most recent being after the elder one fell very sick. To my shock and disbelief, he too was found positive for HIV. Looking back, I can tell he contracted it at birth, suggesting that I have lived with the virus unknowingly for more than a decade.

Of course, my husband knew his status long time ago; the hospital, too, must have known it and never disclosed it to me. Had my in-laws and the health personnel disclosed his and my status, things might have been different.

wm/he