Living with HIV/AIDS

If HIV/AIDS had a human face it would be that of a young woman. This week delegates attending the 13th International AIDS Conference in Durban heard that it is among women between the ages of 15-49 in sub-Saharan Africa that the disease is spreading fastest. These young women often face violence, stigmatism, discrimination, isolation, and increasing depravation. This is the story of Margaret, who comes from Kwa-Zulu Natal in South Africa, a country where the vast majority of the population still believe that AIDS is not their concern. Margaret told IRIN that she is certain she was infected by her ex-boyfriend, and tried to confront him after her diagnosis. “He told me that I was a mad and that there was no way he could have infected me, he said that it was a women’s disease and that this must be God’s way of punishing woman. “But it could only have been from him, he was my first boyfriend and the first and only person that I have had sex with. I didn’t really want to, but he kept telling me that if I loved him I would and my friends kept saying that if I didn’t he would leave me. So I did.” Margaret comes from a low income family which just manages to stay above the poverty line. “There is only my mother, she works very hard but I know that it is not enough. We are lucky my grandmother helps us by giving some of her pension money each month.” She has two younger siblings, a brother aged 14 and a sister aged 11. “When I first found out I was HIV positive I did not know what that meant. I though okay, so I am going to die tomorrow. I felt alone and scared and ashamed because people might think that I was sleeping with all the boys,” she said. “For a long time I couldn’t tell my mother I was scared that she would chase me away, but eventually I did and my mother just looked at me and cried. She also said that that I would die the very next day.” Margaret told IRIN that eventually she and her mother were put in contact with a non-governmental organisation that was counselling people. “They helped us understand what HIV is and that I could live for a long time. They explained everything to us and then we went home and explained to my family.” Margaret says that when people first found out they cursed her and some called her “the devil”. Her mother and family were also targeted, and at school her younger siblings were teased and told that they had to keep away from the other children. But it was the isolation from the community and her extended family that was often worse than the knowledge that she was living with a disease for which there is as yet no known cure. “One minute I was part of them and the next they wouldn’t even walk on the same side of the road as me. I couldn’t understand that and at that time I didn’t know anybody else that was living with the disease. I was alone.” Margaret has been living with HIV/AIDS for three years. Through a nurse in another area she was able to link up with an organisation for women that are living with the disease. “In the group we are all the same, nobody is better than the other, we share our experience and find ways of living with the disease. Now I can say that I am living. I go out with my friends and do the kind of things that I enjoy and that bring so much happiness,” she says. “I have seen so many women die, but I try not to get too depressed. I try to think that they died with courage and that in dying they showed us what we should and shouldn’t be doing with our lives.” She adds: “I am sad because I know that If I have a child it could have HIV/AIDS so I choose not to have children because I don’t want them to go through what I am going through. Also I don’t want them to see me die and I don’t want to see any child of mine die. This hurts so much. It hurts that I might never get married because tell me which African man will marry a woman that has AIDS. Maybe somewhere else yes, but here in Africa I don’t think so.” Margaret says one of the hardest things is not having the medicine that she needs to take care of herself. “I don’t have all the medicines that I need everyday. I try to make do with what I have. I have attended a workshop on eating the correct food so that I can protect my body from the inside.” She continues: “I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, I want them to say that I am living with HIV/AIDS not dying from HIV/AIDS. But Margaret says her biggest fear is that her sister will follow in her footsteps. “I tell her everyday about the dangers, that she can say no at anytime to sex and that she has a right to say no I don’t want that. I pray that when she grows up there will be a cure, but for now all I can do is warn her.”