Edwin Smith had helped raise his younger sister when she was a baby, carrying her on his back to underground anti-apartheid meetings, but the two had grown apart as adults. Smith has written about the silence that surrounded her death from AIDS-related illnesses, including multi-drug resistant TB. He shared an excerpt with IRIN/PlusNews.
“My baby sister called me a month before her death to tell me she was very sick. This was the first time she spoke to me directly about anything and particularly about her illness. I told her I already knew about her illness and that there was nothing I could do for her, but we did not speak about AIDS. The next time I received a call about her, it was from my baby brother telling me she had died in hospital that day.
“[On the day of the funeral] my father shed a dignified tear as he watched his daughter’s casket lowered into the grave, and I scanned my siblings’ faces, trying to comprehend their sorrow. Looking over the open grave, I looked at my parents and siblings; for a moment I was happy to be with them and to share in our grief and loss.
“Having reconvened at the house, I met some old childhood friends. Many of them remembered being in my shoes, burying a sibling or family member. Like the community mothers who conducted the service at the house that morning, they said I would get over it; I too would live and move on.
“After saying our goodbyes, my wife and I got back on the road for our long journey back to Pretoria. I was pleased I had attended the funeral and that I had been there with my family. The only nagging feeling was my guilt over the missed opportunity to talk to my community and my late baby sister’s peers about HIV and AIDS. While I wanted to talk about this to the captive audience during the church service, I felt it would not be appropriate to mar my family’s grief on this occasion.
“Save for the preacher leading the service at the church, who decried the loss of so many young people to AIDS in our communities, no one talked about what killed my sister nor about the ravages AIDS is causing in our homes. No one talked about what help is available to those who are infected or affected. Like so many others on that day, no one said a thing, including me.
“Notwithstanding our learning and knowledge, we still suffer serious limitations when this issue confronts us up close. It is one thing to pass judgment on government policy [but] it’s a totally different ball game when AIDS makes a direct demand in one’s own life.”
llg/ks
“My baby sister called me a month before her death to tell me she was very sick. This was the first time she spoke to me directly about anything and particularly about her illness. I told her I already knew about her illness and that there was nothing I could do for her, but we did not speak about AIDS. The next time I received a call about her, it was from my baby brother telling me she had died in hospital that day.
“[On the day of the funeral] my father shed a dignified tear as he watched his daughter’s casket lowered into the grave, and I scanned my siblings’ faces, trying to comprehend their sorrow. Looking over the open grave, I looked at my parents and siblings; for a moment I was happy to be with them and to share in our grief and loss.
“Having reconvened at the house, I met some old childhood friends. Many of them remembered being in my shoes, burying a sibling or family member. Like the community mothers who conducted the service at the house that morning, they said I would get over it; I too would live and move on.
“After saying our goodbyes, my wife and I got back on the road for our long journey back to Pretoria. I was pleased I had attended the funeral and that I had been there with my family. The only nagging feeling was my guilt over the missed opportunity to talk to my community and my late baby sister’s peers about HIV and AIDS. While I wanted to talk about this to the captive audience during the church service, I felt it would not be appropriate to mar my family’s grief on this occasion.
“Save for the preacher leading the service at the church, who decried the loss of so many young people to AIDS in our communities, no one talked about what killed my sister nor about the ravages AIDS is causing in our homes. No one talked about what help is available to those who are infected or affected. Like so many others on that day, no one said a thing, including me.
“Notwithstanding our learning and knowledge, we still suffer serious limitations when this issue confronts us up close. It is one thing to pass judgment on government policy [but] it’s a totally different ball game when AIDS makes a direct demand in one’s own life.”
llg/ks
This article was produced by IRIN News while it was part of the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs. Please send queries on copyright or liability to the UN. For more information: https://shop.un.org/rights-permissions
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